Battle of Piff and Pöff

To my dearest nephew the illustrious Hertug af Lolland from his humble servant Jakob Knuth Greve af Maribo.

I write this letter in order that you shall know the events of January 30th as they truly occurred not as the court gossip may have made it out to be. As you ordered I took the Lollandic Expeditionary force into Northern Prussia this spring in order to relieve the pressure on our ally the Grand Duchy of Fenwick. After first facing defeat at Röffel at the hands of Count Anton von Wattsenburg our army has now won an outstanding victory.

In the early hours of the morning of January 30th I had the forward elements of our force, composed of our four regiments of horse and both regiments of light foot, scout the position of the army of Rastenburg who we had been shadowing since the battle of Röffel. In a decisive maneuver we captured the enemies magazines at both the town of Piff and Pöff, before they could respond or move them, and fortified these places with infantry. We then spread our line across the open ground between the two settlements. Our horse formed en masse at our left flank to respond quickly to any assault and to deny the enemy the ability to come at us from behind. West of the town of Pöff our light foot entrenched within a thick wood and prepared to hold off any flanking maneuver from that direction. As the enemy force came into sight, at quarter past eight that morning, I learned of a great betrayal where as an aide of mine had been bought over with Prussian promises of sausages on a silver platter. He rode off with my battle plan for that day but luckily my immense skill and ability allowed me to alter the strategy in such a way that this gave the Rastenburgers very little advantage.

View from Pöff with Piff in the background.

Both our force and theirs then opened the engagement with  bombardments and both our guns, and our foe's, fell short and very little damage was done. These bombardments lasted the better part of the morning and I have now sacked the officer in charge of our batteries for his poor calculations.

By noon I could tell by use of my spy glass that the enemy was preparing to assault our position. A coordinated advance took place with his infantry approaching in double line towards Pöff where the larger of the two magazines was placed, and obviously his primary objective. Just out of musket shot his infantry halted their advance, intimidated by our tall miters  but his cavalry made a foolish assault upon our regiments of horse and gun batteries. Though the Polish lancers managed to spike one of our guns steady volleys from the flanking infantry regiments drove them away, my person came very close to being run through by these barbaric provincials that the Prussians employ. I cannot speak highly of the actions performed by the remaining battery as repeatedly, under the stress of battle, they forgot to load any shot into their gun and purely wasted good powder by blowing smoke at the enemy cavalry, this is yet another reason I have sacked the officer in charge.

The narrow escape.

The whiff of "grapeshot."

On the extreme Eastern flank our cavalry met their's in a head first fight. Obviously we got the better of them in the fight though I am a bit disappointed with Thomas Burgess who commanded our cavalry. He, thinking the enemy completely beaten, left the field to celebrate with the entire contingent of horse. This folly gave the Rastenburger lancers that remained time to reform, though luckily due to their green nature nothing came of this.

Thomas Burgess Esq. leading the celebration right off the field of battle.

With the cavalry engagement concluded my focus once more returned to the enemy's infantry lined against ours. Infantry Regiment Number Two hearing the noises of battle on their left flank became impetuous and surged forward in an attempt to reach the enemy lines. Though their courage is commendable it threw me into a worry as the integrity of our position was weakened. Luckily, due to their capable colonel who realized the folly of charging through the marshland ranged in front of them, they returned to the line and formed in good order.

Having missed his chance to take advantage of our lost cohesion my Rastenburg counterpart decided to sound a general advance in order to secure the magazine at Pöff. The lines met and both fired one volley causing minimal harm to one another as the men determined the true range between them. Thankfully due to the tough drill our soldiers are put through the Lollanders were first to be reloaded and let loose a volley as has never been seen before. Such great quantities of musket balls flew across the field with such precision that two trained regiments of the enemy instantly broke and fled the field. In seeing this the Rastenburg general, a very wise and experienced field commander, sent an aide de camp across to me offering a surrender on the terms that those not killed, routed or taken prisoner could leave the field with their arms and colours. As it was almost dark and I knew pursuit would be futile in a foreign land at night, I accepted the terms.

The determined fire and bravery of Infantry Regiment Number Two has been noted by the entire army and now the soldiers have begun calling them the Yellow Bastards. This new pride has led the regiment to boast of their bravery and capability and thus I do believe that in the next engagement they will fight even harder to sustain their elite reputation.

The Yellow Bastards hold the line.

Our victory yesterday has secured us three advantages in our campaign. Firstly it has erased the shameful display done by us at the first encounter we had with the Prussians, as Röffel will not be remembered throughout history while the battle of Piff and Pöff indeed will. Second the capture and defense of the two magazines means we are well stocked and will be able to continue our march South thus relieving pressure placed upon our allies who, rumour says, were soundly defeated by that rascally French army yesterday. Lastly the blow dealt to the Rastenburgers will not be quickly recovered from thus weakening the enemy alliance.

There, my dearest nephew, do you now have the events of the day as they truly occurred. You should be proud of our soldiers for doing their duty and our allies have much to be thankful for as we have come to save them from the tyranny of dinner ware thieving rascals.You will hear from me again either after I come to blows once more with the foe, or when I sit in Berlin eating off of grand Fenwickian silver.

Your loyal general,

Jakob Knuth Greve af Maribo