The Battle of Standenfeuer

Dispatch from Herr General Elector Count Nicholas von Lemmingsdorf to her Serene Imperial Highness the Empress of Austria, as dictated to 2nd Leutnant you there whatever your name is.

The Count having a smoke before breakfast. Note the small dog dressed as the French ambassador to the right.

Fill in all the usual guff, you know the drill, most august aunt etc. Fetch me some breakfast too when you've done with this. I think we still have plenty of horsemeat left over from destroying that other army, who were they again? Anyway, back to this letter. Yes, three sugars please.


Where were we? Oh yes. I am writing to you from the battlefield of what's the name of this place again? Standenfeuer? Is that where we are? I thought this was Kochwald or something? This isn't the capital? I wouldn't have thought they'd have ranked higher than a mere village as their capital, they fight like villagers after all.  

Anyway. I write to you from the battlefield of Standenfeuer, where our incursion into foreign territory has led to great reward. I don't suppose we managed to liberate any decent drink while we sacked the place did we? Could do with a tipple. Hrm? A case of French wine and a small keg of the local ale? Better be the ale, you know how piss-poor French wine is.

So, after defending our borders ably for the past few seasons, I decided to take the fight to the enemy, and launched an invasion of the nearby Lichtenbalz am Kochwald, which I am reliably informed, huh, reliably, it came from that upstart Baron Hoffling, didn't it? I wouldn't call him reliable. Unless you're relying on him to arse things up. Anyway, I am reliably informed that they somehow border our territory, though I'd never heard of them before. We came across the enemy encamped at some place or other, what's the name again? Ah, yes, Standenfeuer. We saw they had quite the artillery battery, so we sent that dreadful little man Alain de Finay, you remember the one, Frenchie, about as useful as...well, as a Frenchman, really. Managed to do the job this time though, without even falling off his horse either. Destroyed most of the enemy guns then sat on his arse as usual bragging about his great victory. Just like the French.

That Finay chappie charging the enemy guns. They don't like it up 'em!

With the enemy guns out of the way, we ordered a general march forwards to battle. The Kochwaldern stood there and waited for us, the fear apparent in their ranks. I thought at one point we'd have to climb over barricades erected of their own excrement to fight them, they were that scared. Anyway, we eventually got within shooting range and passed a few hours of the old back and forth, we shot some of theirs, they shot some of ours, then we reformed the lines and had another go, the usual thing in these civilised wars. Eventually, getting bored of all this, I sent in the lads with bayonets fixed, but that didn't go entirely as planned, though it did open up a few holes in their ranks. Shame about our grenadiers going walkabout after that though, thought they had more steel in 'em. Some of 'em had a fair bit of enemy steel in 'em mind after that.

That rather ill-advised bayonet charge

Anyway, back to the battle. Having disorganised the enemy, we then proceeded to shoot the holy crap out of them. Our superior numbers and morale did the deed, and a half-arsed attempt at a counter-charge by them messed them up enough for us to destroy them utterly. We noted with glee that at the end of the battle, only one unit of infantry and two units of cavalry survived on their side, while we had but three units of infantry succumb to the enemy's fire.

The Kochwaldern fleeing the town.

A great victory, one which our school children will learn for centuries to come, and on this showing, the Kochwaldern children will also be learning of our great victory in our schools when we annex their territory. This war cannot last much longer, we intend to invade another of our enemies soonest chance we get. It's been a while since we've annihilated the French and I could so with a summer home near Marseilles...

Sign it your obedient nephew etc. Now, where's that breakfast?  

The Battle of Hangen Hed

Baron, it is with great joy that I announce our supreme victory over the lowly, silverware-thieving English! It is only now after rampaging far into the enemy lands that our messengers have landed home!

We marched upon the lowly burg of Hangen Hed, meagerly defended by the forces of the self-declared King of England. How they quaked at the sight of our brave army cresting the horizon! The town was defended to the east by what appeared to be nothing more than conscripts, a paltry battery of cannon in the centre, guarded by some easily terrified cavalry. 

We began with a thunderous bombardment, softening up the already Swiss cheese-esque British forces. In the chaos caused by the salvo of fire, our glorious infantry advanced upon the enemy's flank. Out numbered, and out classed, it was no contest. At this time it is my sad duty to inform you of a small incident involving your grenadiers. As it is custom when a Lichtenbalzer, they were at the centre of advance. Several British regiments, not knowing when to retreat, put up a stubborn rearguard and all but wiped them out. 

In the face of their decimation, our other battalions renewed their bloody assault with vigour. The cowardly British took this opportunity to attempt a mounted attack on our cavalry, but were well met and routed. As their morale began to falter, so did their command, and their units began stumbling through each other in chaos! Oh would your heart have melted at such a joyous sight! Our brave men began to overrun their flank battalion and they began to break. 

The day was nearly won, yet the foul British held on by a mere thread. Suddenly  our scouts report a single musket shot, a cry of pain, and one of their prized commanders falling from horse! If only we knew who fired, he truly would be a hero to all of Lichtenbalz! The enemy could take no more punishment and fled from the battlefield. The town was ours! It is with great honour that we present the recovered, and very much stolen, silverware to our glorious Fenwickian allies! Peace for all!

The Battle of Holyhosen

Most Gracious Majesty,

It is with due humility and deference that I announce a great victory by your Majesty's forces over the deluded army of Lolland.  While the Lollandars retreated in good order, screened by a pack of ruffians, their army has been broken by the might of his Majesty's Armee du Nord.

Dragoons, advancing ahead of the main force, located the Lollanders camped around the strategic town of Holyhosen, with their lines extending to the neighboring village of Tubesok.  Their flank was guarded by a large wood, though our scouts found sign of their cavalry massed behind.

The strategically irrelevant bridge at Holyhosen.

We deployed behind a screen of hills which surrounded the town, with our right wing deployed in column, and the cavalry in reserve.  I deployed artillery on the far right, in the hopes that the Lollanders might advance to engage, but alas, their role was limited to the early stages of the battle, when a preliminary bombardment caused sufficient confusion to prompt the Lollanders to retire toward the town.

Artist's rendition.  Not to scale.

The strength of the Lolland position made a frontal assault appear futile.  The approach to their flank, however, would require negotiating the forest outside of town, and the cavalry force behind it.  Should that force emerge, it might  flank any approaching infantry, rendering the question of assault on Holyhosen moot.

Fortunately, the broken terrain surrounding Holyhosen allowed us to engage the Lollanders piecemeal.  Our right advanced and quickly formed line along the edge of the forest, successfully contained the Lolland cavalry in the woods, eventually breaking them with sustained musket fire.  Reports from men in the engagement indicate the Lolland cavalry had been led by a Scot; perhaps an advisor from the Lollanders British allies?  No sign of him has emerged after our victory.  Perhaps he fled?

"Go into the woods", he said.  "It'll be fun," he said.

I must inform your majesty that at this point, the Lollander commander requested terms.  It was my unfortunate duty to decline.  While I am tender towards your Majesty's honour and desire for Christian charity, it was my opinion, as commander in the field, that the bloodshed of this conflict would be brought to a swifter end by a decisive outcome.  This was especially urgent given the recent defeat of our allies of Rastenburg.

Once we had contained the right wing, I advanced our remaining infantry in the oblique, towards the French left, while massing our cavalry in the centre.  A succession of daring bayonette and cavalry charges drove the remnants of the Lollanders back on the village, and a final charge by your majesty's Irish regiment of Clare broke their will to fight.

That's her.  That's Clare.

With the Lolland army in full retreat, the road to the Low Country ports, and the potential for an English invasion, lies open.  God has graced us this day with victory; I remain, grateful to Him and your Majesty, your most humble and obedient servant,

Escquarbrie

The Battle of Sockenzworth or the battle of the Rabbit Warren

To his Majestic George the Second, by the Grace of God, King of Great Britain, France and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, Duke of Brunswick-Lüneburg, Archtreasurer and Prince-Elector of the Holy Roman Empire.

The troops sent to defend Sockenzworth in Hanover from the forces Rastenburg report that the attacking forces have been seen off and their command surrendered after a furious assault this morning. 

Sockenzworthtwon center

Our forces formed up with the village of Sockenzworth in the center of our forces with the guns of the royal artillery well by the town. On the right hand side of the village the cavalry were stations while the foot was on the left. The Rastenburg army mirrored our deployment so it seemed like a straight fight was to be had.

After opening bombardments the Rastenburg army did a general advance, moving both their mounted and foot forces forward. However, their mounted arm charged ahead of the infantry and although the Royal artillery did a good job of disrupting them from the flank, the two mounted forces engaged. However just before that a Hessan hunter fired a telling shot, killing a foolish Rastenburg adjutant who had been scouting our lines in front of their forces.

As your Majestic knows, our strength is not is the mounted arm but the cavalry fought valorously, taking it to the expert polish mercenaries employed by the Rastenburg forces. Losses were about equal and our noble cavalry gave as good as they got. Unfortunately, they had significantly more cavalry units outnumbering our forces with 3:2 odds in this engagement. 

Polish Cavalry in Rastenburg command

So even though our cavalry fought well those odds are hard to overcome. I have to report that during this fighting Peter von Frechtling was killed.The losses on both sides were heavy including the  Royal Horse Guards.

As the dust settled, the last remaining cavalry, the Hanoverian 1st King’s Dragoon Guards unit had burst through the Rastenburg mounted wing and as the last remaining units from our mounted wing, was charging towards the Rastenburg guns. This was with two of the three Rastenburg Polish cavalry units in pursuit to try to stop and catch them!

At this time good fortune came to that units rescue. The King’s Dragoon Guards were slow to get to the guns and were caught by the Rastenburg cavalry. The good fortune was that, although the Rastenburg cavalry had charged over this area they had missed a series of rabbit warrens. Those disrupted their formations and made the mounted movement hard in that area. They had avoided this before hand and in fact had missed it's presence at all.

The Rabbit Warrens which cause the attacking cavalry's destruction

The Rastenburg cavalry in the heat of the battle ignored the warrens and charged the rear of the Dragoon Guards. This was a risk as the warrens caused the charges to be less effective and if they lost it could be very destructive to them. But they were attacking the dragoons from the rear. The 1st King’s Dragoon Guards fought like lions though and even though outnumbered and caught from the rear they repulsed the Poles thus destroying both units of Rastenburg cavalry!

With this turn of events – the near destruction of the Rastenburg cavalry, the Rastenburg guns able to be threatened by the 1st King’s Dragoon Guards and the British infantry starting to bear down on their infantry the Rastenburg command asked for terms. These were given to avoid further bloodshed and to ensure that the infantry arm of the army could be retained for future engagements.

So, this does mean the battle was won with a single musket shot and the lucky location of a rabbit warren helping the King's Dragoon Guards . The opening engagement of this latest war has seen a resurgent of our forces in the field and I hope this will lead to the quick return to peace.